i love you most.

a few weeks ago,  three interactions made me realize something.

the first one, my boyfriend.

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i was leaving his place to go eat dinner with my family. this relationship is probably the most mature one i’ve had yet. i have a key to his place, i have a toothbrush there, and some pieces of clothes lying around. my home away from home. not only was our union random, but the way it started shoudn’t have been that easy for us. and we definitely should’ve been more cautious going into it. but we weren’t, and everything happened so organically and nothing felt rushed at all. our big foundation was we had plenty of time, when rushing was always my biggest worry due to past problems. and he completely understood. we have fun doing the most basic things, from watching Drake and Josh on the couch to grocery shopping at Sprouts. there’s never a dull moment. anyways,  he walked me to my car and he held my hand until we got to my vehicle. i turned away from Hermia (yes, that is my car’s name, in honor of Midsummer Night’s Dream) and looked up at my big friendly giant boyfriend to be kissed quickly by him, “got ya!” stealing kisses is his specialty, so are silly voices. he tells me to have fun and he’ll see me soon. as he walks away i say love you. he responds i love you more. i shout back i love you most. he shakes his head side to side as he yells back No!

the second one, my mom.

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i was leaving the restaurant where i met up with my mom and dad. we ate Persian food, the culture my dad descends from and I am half of. we had a lovely time trying this new hole in a wall, to the point where we plan on having this be our new place. they had tender steak kabobs, perfectly cooked rice, and the spices mixed well to satisfy any foodie. my dad left early to go on a walk, while my mom and i stayed behind for some hot tea. we talked about her tennis match and the rest of my day. it was peaceful and comfortable. of course, a few jokes and teasing were added to make light of the mood. i am known as my mom’s twin, clone, the blondes. whatever fits the day, i am always paired with my mom. and who wouldn’t like to be? i love my mom. thus, when we parted ways to our cars i started to holler at her i love you. she responded i love you more. i curiously shouted back i love you most. she laughed as she responded No!

the third one, my best friend

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i was driving back to my boyfriend’s because I accidentally left my textbook behind. i decide to call my best friend who now goes to school up north. we met through our college tennis team and we were inseparable. we went through a period where we carpooled together to school, even though she and i lived a huge gap of time away. that’s when we bonded the most. we lip synched to songs we showed each other, with too many of them being claimed as our songs. when she left, it was hard for us both. phone calls remained our consistent connection, and we would talk long enough that the distance didn’t matter. all that mattered was we were still there for each other, no matter what. to bring this all back, she answered and we fell into our old habits of jokes then telling each other what we did today. i pulled up to my boyfriend’s house and told her i had to go. i sadly said i love you. she insisted i love you more. i confidently confirmed i love you most. she giggled and shouted from my phone’s speaker NOPE!

why am i sharing this? because, there are points in life where you feel unloved or alone. i have definitely felt like that in my life. at this point however, i have created strong relationships with people i am truly grateful for. i have felt in the past people taking advantage of my compassion, and when they would say they loved me, i knew it didn’t compare to how much i cared for them. i have cut those people out of my life and others should too. it does get hard because those emotional drainers realize how important you were to feed their idea of themselves, so they’ll say/do anything to keep you near. if that is the case, watch out for yourself and stay strong. because one day, you will find yourself surrounded by people who live closely by your moral compass. and another day will come, when your wholehearted love will be met with theirs evenly.

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